Dear Prof Brad,
I hope you had a great week. My name is Bryan Lim from your
effective communication class T3 and I am writing this letter to share with you
more about myself.
1.
Educational
background and interest
I am a current student from SIT pursuing a degree in Sustainable
Infrastructure Engineering (Building Services), and I previously graduated from
Temasek Polytechnic with a diploma in integrated facilities management. The reason why I decided to pursue this degree is due to my previous experience
during my internship at Building Construction Authority, which ignited my
passion for sustainability, when I was an advisor to various schools for them to obtain their Building Construction Authority's Green Mark award, this will help me to relate to what I am studying in sustainable infrastructure engineering.
Engineering is critical to the world as everything around us
involves engineering in one way or another. I believe that engineering helps to
create a better world, which helps to improve everyone’s lifestyle.
2.
Strength
and weakness
For my strength, I believe I am an avid listener, as I will
listen to what the other party has to share with me first, before making any
comments. For instances, if my friends have to share their problems with me, I
will be sure to listen to the problems first before making any comments.
For my weakness, I believe that I am weak with punctuation and grammar, and this will result in miscommunication and undermines the message that I am trying to convey.
3.
Goals
for the module
My goal is to be more confident when it comes to writing an email or letter for official purpose, most of the time I do not feel confident in the email that I send out, as I am afraid that there is a mistake in terms of my grammar as well as my punctuation that will lead to misunderstandings.
4.
Difference
I believe what makes me different from the rest is that even
though I may not be the smartest student, but I believe that by working hard, it will
help me overcome the difficulties that I have in terms of my studies, and I am not
afraid to work hard.
"Hard work beats talent when talent fails to work hard" – Kevin Durant
Yours Sincerely,
Bryan Lim
Read on Celine's, Jing Kai's, Kei Man's, Dorothy's letter
Revised on 1st October 2020
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI strongly agree that you are working hard, but I think you are smart at the same time as you can teach and share the knowledge with the classmate. More practice, more improve!
DeleteI believe you is a good listener as I noticed you listened to our opinions during the group discussion. Besides, the way you paragraph this email is quite interesting, never thought that it can be written like this.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that diligence is the way to success. However I feel like some people only look for the end results and not the process of hardwork, which may be disappointing. I believe we all can learn and overcome these challenges together.
ReplyDeleteHi Bryan, likewise, I believe that hard work beats talent, and with the right attitude, you'd have great potential for success!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the effort with this letter, Bryan. I look forward to seeing more detailed feedback from your blogging group members, and I will comment after that.
ReplyDeleteDear Bryan,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the letter of introduction to share more about yourself. Compared to the other blogs I have seen, you have a very interesting way to paragraph your letter. You have made it easy for others to read your letter based on the 4 main points.
Forgive me if I am blunt in my comments. I sincerely hope that I can help you improve by doing so.
Some points to take note:
- Sentence structure
• “I am a current student from SIT pursuing a degree in Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering…” can be written as “I am a student from SIT. I am currently pursuing a degree in Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering…“ (this point is up to debate, some prefers your writing style.)
• “and previously graduated from Temasek Polytechnic…” > missing a subject. Can be better written as “and I previously graduated from Temasek Polytechnic…”
• “Engineering is critical to the world as everything around us involves engineering one way or another.” > missing a preposition. Can be better written as “Engineering is critical to the world as everything around us involves engineering in one way or another.”
• “I will listen to what the other party has to share with me first, before making any comments, for instances…” > Comma splice. Can be written as “I will listen to what the other party has to share with me first, before making any comments. For instances…”
• “…with punctuation and grammar, this will result in miscommunication and undermines the message…” > missing conjunction. Can be better written as “with punctuation and grammar, and this will result in miscommunication and undermines the message…”
• “My goal is to be more confident when it comes to writing an email or letter for official purpose, most of the time I do not feel confident in the email that I send out…” > comma splice. Can be written as “My goal is to be more confident when it comes to writing an email or letter for official purpose. Most of the time I do not feel confident in the email that I send out…”
• “…my studies, and not afraid to work hard.” > Missing a subject and verb. Can be written as “…my studies, and I am not afraid to work hard.”
- Missing full stops in some sentences, for example,
• “…which helps to improve everyone’s lifestyle”
• “…problems first before making any comments”
I hope my comments are valuable to you.
Best regards,
Sebastian
Dear Sebastian,
DeleteThank you for your kind feedback, I will take your comments into account and further improve my letter.
Yours sincerely,
Bryan Lim
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Bryan
DeleteThank you for your self-introductory letter. I have read your letter and wish to give my feedback.
Firstly, your letter was very clear as it answer the questions posed to you. It even had titles for every paragraphs as you were moving from one point to the other. Correct me if I am wrong but I rarely see formal letter being written in point forms. The letter is concise as it goes straight to the point. I see you backing up your responses with events, examples and even a reflection towards your personal strength and weaknesses.
I believe that there are areas where connectors may not be necessary, that you can remove them to start a new sentence. This includes "and previously graduated from Temasek Polytechnic..." from paragraph 1, and "For my strength, I believe I am an avid listener, as I".
As far as your letter goes, it does not stray away from the points you were suppose to answer. Your tone is and flow of your letter is consistent. You were being respectful in your choices of words.
Forgive me if there were any inappropriate comments on your letter. I found your letter interesting and I hope I will get to know you better. I am sure there are other differences that sets you apart from the rest. All the best to your studies and I wish there are more chances to work with your in years to come.
Best regards
Jing Kai
Dear Jing kai,
DeleteThank you for your kind feedback, I will take your comments into account and further improve my letter.
Yours sincerely,
Bryan Lim
Dear Bryan,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this clear, informative letter. I appreciate the way you've structured it and taken us readers step by step through your responses to the assignment brief. You provide some good concrete detail in the process. However, in some cases, as in when you mention your internship work, you only touch the surface. It would be good to share more details: job scope, learning, application.
You should also be advised not to write things like "I am not academically smart." That may be an issue as readers can mischaracterize you and your 'growth mindset.' (Please look that up.)
In terms of language use, there are a few problems, many of which are addressed by your peers. It will be good for you to edit your work.
I look forward to learning more about you this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Dear Prof Brad,
DeleteThank you for your kind comments, I have looked into your comments and made amendments to my blog, hope that it is what you are looking for.
Yours sincerely,
Bryan Lim